


Alec Trevelyan In Memorial

by Elenhin



Category: James Bond - Fandom
Genre: Adventure, Gen, James Bond - Freeform, memorial
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-09-02 14:50:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8671669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elenhin/pseuds/Elenhin
Summary: Set after Golden Eye,   James comes back without Alec. Having to face that from this point on and forward there is no Alec, the man, his friend, is now nothing more than a memory. Which causes him and Moneypenny both to remember all that Alec was to them.





	

_**Alec Trevelyan In Memorial** _

 

Alec could, without a second thought, create more chaos and disaster than a tornado.  If he wanted to.

 

On the other hand Alec could be the gentlest person James knew. One never knew what would happen, it all depended on the circumstances. Alec, in a good mood, was no danger to anyone. Alec in a bad mood was a lethal danger, to everyone.

 

It was the way the younger man was, and it stayed the same whether he was on a mission or not. Because he reacted in different ways. Oh, he was professional enough that he did not let his personal feelings get in the way, except at rare times. It was just that he could be damn vindictive, and there was the difference.

 

Alec could forgive and forget, he saw the things he suffered as a part of his work. He was an agent, so naturally the bad guys were out to get him, hardly surprising since he was after them. He did not hold any personal grudged for torture or murder attempts.

 

If they hurt someone else though, someone innocent, James, or children. Then they had best stay clear of Alec Trevelyan, for that was something he did not forget.

 

People always made one mistake, they thought he was calmer and more docile than James. They thought that he would not take revenge.

 

Hit Alec, stab him shoot him or hurt him, and he would laugh over it the next time they shared a pint. Hurt someone else, and Alec was not laughing, then he was destructive.

 

Yes, Alec could be destructive, but it was not always a big explosion. Alec would be the one standing grim and cold as he saw a crime syndicate cave in on itself. He would spit at the rubble and turn his back.

 

James enjoyed watching it burn, he wanted it to explode.

 

James method was more spectacular.

 

Alec’s method was more deadly.

 

To James it was a strange thing that so many could work so close to Alec, and still never notice. They did not. So whenever someone saw a pile of rubble they assumed it was James. Maybe someone else knew, maybe Moneypenny who seemed to consider Alec a friend. James wanted to win her, to win her to his bed. Yet he was glad that she had Alec for a friend, because he would always be there for her in another way.

 

Alec cared too much about others, he got involved emotionally, he could not shut them out of his heart once they were in, and so he was vulnerable. How often had some bad guy hurt one of them to make the other one talk?

 

Both wanted to scream out the secrets, neither ever did. It was always too much at stake. It was a risk they both took, and both did it willingly. Yet the pain he saw in Alec’s eyes whenever it happened was one that would never heal. He could not shut it out. It was what haunted him in his sleep. James needed to see that Alec was okay afterwards, it was hateful, it was disgusting and it was not human to do such things to Alec for a few words from James.

 

He needed to make sure that he would be well again after it, but Alec never could put the same experience behind him. Not if he was forced to watch James being hurt.

 

James admired him, and pitied him, he wished he could keep him safe.

 

People never bothered to take a second look at Alec, and they underestimated him.

 

“It would have crushed him James, maybe this was for the best.”

 

James looked up at Moneypenny from where he was standing. One hand brushing against a star cut out in cold marble.

 

“Alec could not have handled losing you James, it would have crushed him.” Moneypenny said. “No matter how it hurts, maybe it was still kinder to him.”

 

James shook his head, he was not sure.

 

“I wanted him to get recognition, but no one’s ever going to give it to him now.” He stated.

 

“You did James, he wanted your recognition, and you gave it to him.”

 

“He was my friend.” James stated.

 

“So think about how much you gave him, how much you gave each others.” Moneypenny suggested. “Don’t focus on the bad.”

 

“It’s been a year.” James said mournfully. It had, one year, a whole year without Alec, a whole year without his best friend.

 

 

Moneypenny had been one of the first ones to learn about Alec, at first she hoped that he was captured, that he had been taken but was alive. That James would be sent for him.

 

That had happened before.

“I’m going back after Alec.” James told Moneypenny through gritted teeth. “I’m not leaving him with those bastards. I’m going after him. I’m going to get him out of there.” He would go, and he would return later with Alec. Alec, injured and weak, but alive. He had been beaten and starved, tortured and sick, but he had always been back.

_James got him back, and James made sure he pulled through. She recalled how thin the poor lad had looked when he had lived on soup for an entire month. It had been the only thing he could eat, and James made sure he did._

He took care of Alec tirelessly, without any regrets.

 

Just as Alec did. They took care of each other, those two. She had seen Alec in a state of mood when even she was afraid of getting in his way, when she hardly even dared to say his name, for who knew how much more his frayed temper could take. She had seen how he could be even more destructive than James. Even more deadly.

 

Because Alec did not act before he knew how to make the most damage. The normally so warm, tender and considerate young man, could be so very cold blooded as well.

 

“Alec.” Moneypenny said slowly, uncertainly. Alec looked grim, he was standing with gritted teeth, and his eyes blazing with fire. It was not just an expression from some bad novel, it was true. Because in some way the anger he felt made his green eyes glow, and it was like watching a firework display, beautiful at a distance, but deadly up close.

_His fists were clenched and his knuckles white, he was not aware of it, and she was not sure whether he could loosen his grip._

_M was there, saying that he wanted Alec to go to the infirmary, to get a clearance that he was fit for duty. It was not him Alec was angry at._

_“I want to go back.” He said, his voice hoarse with anger._

_“No, Trevelyan.” M shook his head. “You will not at the moment. If you are cleared, then I might consider it. But that is only if you can convince me that you can handle it.”_

_James and Alec was back, James hurt and Alec furious. There had been no time for them to execute the whole mission. They had been captured, escaped, and now Alec wanted to go back. Take revenge on whoever had stabbed James. M was not about to let him go when he was raging to much to know what he was doing._

_“I want to go back.” Alec’s voice was actually quivering. Moneypenny wondered what they had done to provoke such anger from Alec. Usually he and James were more likely to laugh about it and play it down, but now he was furious, and James had not been that badly hurt. “They beat him to make me tell them secrets, I want to go back, they want me to tell them things, I’ll tell them what I am going to do with them.”_

_“Trevelyan, at the moment you’d be considered a risk to the mission.” M shook his head. “You are talking about walking up to the front door and start shooting, can’t you see that would only get you killed.”_

_Alec shook his head, his whole body quivering like a too tense steel spring. One that would either build up a fearsome power, or snap under the pressure. “No, I’m not going to do that, it would be too easy, they don’t deserve that. I want to go back, and I want to give them what they deserve.”_

_“We will discuss that once you have been cleared, and once you are calm enough to know what you are saying.” M declared. Reasoning rather than ordering, he knew enough to recognize the frame of mood Alec was in. He was not the first agent who wanted to take off on cold blooded revenge. He would not let anyone off who was not thinking clearly. He could consider sending him again, for the agent would not show any mercy, which was a good thing. The bad thing was that he might feel a hatred so strong he put the mission in jeopardy for the sake of revenge. That was the one thing M could not allow. Nor was he really willing to lose an agent for revenge. They were rare and very expensive to train._

_Alec shook his head. “I’m fine, I can go right now.” He took a deep breath and made a noticeable effort to calm himself. “I’m not going to walk right up at them, I’m just going to make sure they don’t live to do the same thing again. I want to go back, please let me.”_

Why had he been allowed to go off there? Because Alec would not rest before he had. Because Alec only calmed down when he had permission to go back as soon as he proved he could handle it.

 

No one could be more determined than he was then, he went out, he came back. He was calmer when he came back, because he had taken his revenge. It had been spectacular, but not many noticed, because there was no big bright explosion, just a great big hole where there had formerly been a crime syndicate.

 

It was the difference between them, it was when the difference was the most obvious. She recalled that time so clearly because of how haunted Alec had been until he got his permission to go back, and how a large organization had seemed to just disappear without a trace. Not even all of the agents knew what had happened to it. Some wondered, some suspected, others thought they had destroyed themselves with greed, and in a sense they had. Greed for information and the belief that they could make one agent give them that information.

 

Many had believed that, that the two agents would break under the right pressure, that they could be made to betray each other. They were always wrong.

 

_“I’m going back.” James leaned his head against the wall, he looked tiered weary where he sat on a chair beside the bed. Moneypenny was sitting on the other side._

_“M sending you?” Alec asked. He looked even more tired than James, and he rested heavily against the pillow._

_“I convinced him to.” James smiled. “can’t let them get away with it, now, can I Alec.”_

_“No, but you should.” Alec said softly. “It’s even more dangerous now.”_

_“I don’t really care.” James smiled at him._

_“I care.” Alec objected._

_“I know.” James was still smiling. “Don’t worry Alec, I’ll get them, and you’ll know when I do.”_

 

It was something that was not possible to miss. No more than you could miss a volcano eruption when you are looking down the pit of the mouth. They all knew the exact moment that James blew the place apart.

 

It was his way, a violent show of power that exploded and burned everything to a cinder. It was his way of taking revenge.

 

Moneypenny had seen them both go after revenge. Had seen them both hate and fear, she had seen them caught up in the grip of terror, and she was most likely the only one who had seen both of them weep.

 

Neither was one to show it openly, but neither was immune to it either. James had thought no one saw him, and maybe there were other times when no one had been there to see it. Maybe he had allowed Alec to see it. If so, it was the one thing they never talked about. Everything else the two of them could make into a joke.

 

Even death and nearly losing each other. She had even seen Alec analyse it all.

 

James found that a very odd thing, Alec analysed the bad things that happened to them.

 

He would look at it from every possible angle, as if it made the burning iron hurt any less. He would sit and reason about the torture methods. Point out inefficiency in them, reason out what had had what effect when used. He could sit and hold a monolog with himself about the fact that they had not asked any questions, and James would be lolled to sleep while Alec was pondering why someone would take the trouble with torture, and yet not ask questions.

 

He had never understood why Alec would be doing that, had never asked. He had been thinking about it though, it kept him occupied because he was wondering exactly what Alec could get out of it.

 

He would laugh when Alec declared that they could not be asked to just give information, but had to be more specific, because he might assume they wanted information of the Manchester/Sheffield game last weekend, and if they had not been clear enough in their questions, it was not fair to beat him for it.

 

He had actually given that score once.

 

In retrospect it was kind of hilarious.

 

“Are you ready to talk yet?” The brute demanded.

_“Getting there.” Alec admitted with a groan._

_The questioner pressed the hot iron against his flesh again, and Alec screamed with pain even as the smell of his own burned flesh made him want to vomit._

_“Okay, please, just stop.” Alec panted when he had stopped screaming, James could not blame him. He was surprised, but he could not blame him, they had been working on him for many hours now, and even the best could break._

_“3,2.” Alec panted._

_“What is that?” They demanded, holding the iron close to his face, so close he felt the heat against his cheek._

_“The score for the Sheffield and Manchester game, last weekend, wasn’t that, what you wanted.” Alec tried to gulp down air to calm himself._

One vengeful blow and he sank deep into blissful unconsciousness.

 

James was proud of him, for resisting. Because only Alec could come up with a thing like that. Telling himself they would torture to get the results of some football game.

 

“He thought that if he did not let the things hurt him, it could not hurt him.” Moneypenny said softly. “The way he was talking as if it did not concern him, if it did not, it could not hurt him. It was his way to block out the pain.

 

James thought it was strange that she knew that, but he did not. How could it be that she had been able to tell what it was what his friend was doing? Or was it that he did not want to know at that time? It had been an Alec thing, and he had known that as long as he was doing it, Alec was alright. Then everything was normal, he had loved knowing that.

 

He tilted his head to look at the star, he wondered how Alec would like it. If he would like it, but he also knew that he would not. At the moment, that star was all he had of Alec. There was nothing else, only a star cut out of marble, and yet he knew that Alec would not really like it. He would not like it how James was staring at it, brushing against it with his fingertips. It was a dead thing, Alec wanted living things. He wanted to know that he mattered enough to people, that they cared about him, as he cared about them.

 

When Alec sought out a touch from you, it was because he wanted to know that you were alive, that he was alive, and that he mattered enough to you that you stayed close.

 

Not often, James smiled at the memory of the dashing young man. It was not often he sought out any kind of contact like that. Alec was a display of confidence, one that had stood up to the famous James Bond the very first time they had met.

 

Moneypenny stood beside him and brushed the other side of the star with her fingers, just as James had done so many times. Sometimes she wondered if the star would get its edges smoothed down as often as the two of them stood there, brushing against it.

 

James had his regrets, she had her own where the agent represented in the star was concerned.

 

James talked about failure of keeping him alive, about the defiance in Alec’s eyes even as he was down on the floor with a gun pointed at his head.

 

_“Finish the job James, Blow them all to hell.”_

 

He recalled the sound of the gun, the way Alec’s body crumbled to the floor. The way he was lying there when James got out, and he could not help but think that maybe he could have been saved in some way.

 

James was haunted by that moment, would be forever.

 

Moneypenny was haunted by her own demons. The dashing young rouge had turned into a demon to the two of them. Because of guilt and fear, because of the loss they felt so strongly.

 

One year, Alec never seemed to count things in years the way most people did. He did not know when he was born, so there was no birthday for him to celebrate, Christmas was something he spent in a pub with James, or out on a mission. It did not matter, it was not a special time for him whatever he did. He did not believe in the innocence of a new year either, for the same old evil was still alive out in the world.

 

The years did not matter to him in that manner, what mattered to Alec was his friends.

 

He could be so very different depending on whether he was with James or alone, and yet he was still Alec. 

 

_“Pleasant evening last night?” Alec asked perching on Moneypenny’s desk._

_“Should not you get to work?” She asked raising her eyebrows._

_“I am at work.” He defended himself with a wide innocent grin._

_“Right building Alec, wrong desk.” She pointed out, smiling, but refraining from laughing this far._

_“More pleasant company.” He said in that defensive voice that made it sound as if it was just unbelievable that anyone would even think of seeing him as guilty of charge._

_“James will be waiting for you.” Not laughing was harder now. Especially when he elaborated on his previous comment._

_“See there, even you agree with me.”_

_“Alec, James will be giving you a hard time for being late.” She pointed out._

_“He won’t, I got here before him today, and I reckon I can still make it back before him and then I’ll be the one giving him a hard time.” He grinned mischievously like a schoolboy._

_“If M finds you wasting time here, he’ll give you a hard time.” Moneypenny stated and Alec groaned, knowing how true it was._

_“Oh, please, you’re not gonna tell him, are you?” He pleaded._

_Moneypenny shook her head. “Not if you get going and do what you are supposed to do, instead of bothering me.”_

_  
Alec groaned but slid off her desk. “And here I dropped by to give you this, but, oh well.” He pulled a small rose out from beneath his coat and fingered it thoughtfully between his fingers._

_“I’m not the girl you’re supposed to charm Alec.” She grinned as she took it._

_“Bugger.” He pretended to be annoyed. “Today’s not my day.” Then he grinned as he walked away, knowing full way she would never tell M that he was wasting time._

 

No, she would not, M and Alec at that time had not been the best combination. They did not really understand each other. They respected each other, but they did not understand each other. M could not understand that Alec could be serious even when he pretended not to. He did not approve of some of Alec’s joke, and Alec did not know what he should change.

 

A few times Alec had been put to some kind of punishment duty of one kind or another, just because the two of them did not understand each other. Giving her the rose was a joke to Alec, a pretence that he was as bad as James, but it was also a friendly gesture, and a way for him to show that he cared.

 

She had been feeling down then, and Alec had done what he could to cheer her up. He was considerate in that way, and more attentive than others thought to have noticed. James never would, and she appreciated all those small gestures from him.

 

He would make fun out of James, out of himself, he would strive to amuse her, and she was certain he was not aware of how much it made him look like an unruly schoolboy.

 

“What am I going to do without him?” James demanded, spinning around. He felt restless. As if he needed to do something physical, but he could not figure out what.

 

Moneypenny sighed, she felt the same way. “I expect him to come walking in almost every day. When I walk up to my desk I keep expecting to find him there leaning against it. He’s not going to James.” She brushed against the star again. “He won’t ever do that again, and I can’t believe it. But we can’t change it, no matter how much we want to. I try to think about what he would want, and I know what he would want me to do, but I still feel as if I am betraying him.” She shook her head.

 

“I left him.” James said in a strained voice.

 

Moneypenny nodded. “And the other way would have destroyed him. I saw him like that a few times James, and you never did. He was destroying himself every time, beating himself to pieces mentally. It’s hard for us, but he could not have done it. I would have lost you both, and I don’t want that for Alec, no matter how hard this is, it is better.”

 

“Better.” James snorted. “Better, I left him, I did not even try to get him out, I set the timers for three minutes instead of six, if I had kept those six minutes, maybe I could have gotten him out of there at least.”

 

“It wouldn’t have done a difference.” Moneypenny swallowed. “James, please for his memory, for the love we both hold for him, please don’t do this.”

 

James thought about it as she turned around, he would try to, he would, because he loved Alec.

 

 

**The End**

 

_Please comment, Jeremy Cricket is hungry...._


End file.
